This article is part of a series exploring human emotion at work. If you are new here you can read about the motivation for the series by following this link.
I refused to accept their decision. Had they completely lost their minds? I was certain that they made a mistake even if they were unable to see it. How could I let them proceed down this reckless path while the obvious choice stood right before them?
A unique form of impostor syndrome is when you stand out as the only voice of doubt in a crowd of encouragement. Often times you will find yourself reinforcing the negative thoughts of others so this experience may feel backwards. Suddenly you are fighting consensus as opposed to following the path of least resistance. Of all my struggles with impostor syndrome, this event was the most difficult to overcome.
They called me on the last day of the interviews to see if I was interested in the job. I viewed it as a formality and assumed I had no chance of impressing them enough to overlook my lack of experience. When a company conducts an internal search to fill a position they are often required to interview a certain number of candidates before making a decision. I was simply helping them achieve a quota.
In reality, they had happily interviewed every person that expressed interest in the position. They reasonably assumed I was not in that motivated group as I had intentionally missed the application window. It only dawned on them in the later stages of the process that my name had never come up so they decided to ask me directly.
Still, I assumed they were simply being charitable and would not give my interview serious consideration. This was the first mistake I made.
I refused to believe I had a legitimate chance because of a story I made up. I crafted a picture of the ideal candidate in my head and quickly disregarded myself after identifying several gaps.
Much to my shock, a couple days later I received an offer. I even surprised them, they explained. I was less qualified than others but my interview was the most compelling and I immediately became the clear favorite. I was in disbelief because one candidate in particular seemed like the obvious choice to me.
I urged them to reconsider. This other person was the better candidate, I explained. They had more experience and the whole company had been rooting for them from the start. I could not steal this from them. It was not mine to take. I was overwhelmed with guilt and then I made my second mistake.
I disregarded the opinions of others because they did not fit within my predetermined mental model.
I went to the other candidate and told him I would refuse the job. I begged him to walk with me into that office so we could tell them together. He had been cheated by poor judgment but there was still time to fix the mistake. For the third time, I found myself stunned when my offer was rejected. I was the best candidate for the job, he said. I had proven that and he would not stand in my way.
I could not shake the guilt but ultimately took the job because everyone urged me to do so. It was a rare moment when I had to disregard my own instincts and go with the wisdom of the crowd. I’m glad I did because I loved that job and was damn good at it.
Lessons learned:
Sometimes other people will be a better judge of your ability than you.
You can miss opportunities by refusing to accept this possibility.
When the only person doubting you is yourself you should listen to the crowd.
We are our own harshest critics and our voice is the loudest. This can be helpful but it is important to recognize that your opinion is one of many. Do not become too attached to your initial perspective that you shut yourself off from other possibilities. It is especially important to be skeptical of an inner voice telling you “no” when the outside world is cheering you on.
The next time someone offers you encouragement consider believing them regardless of how incorrect you think they may be. Challenge yourself to quiet the internal voice and give the other person the opportunity to convince you to change your mind. There will be plenty of times when the crowd tells you that you can’t do something. In the rare event that they flip their narrative you should get out of your own way and trust that they may know better.
Thank you for reading :)
Bryan
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They Know Better