This article is part of a series exploring human emotion at work. If you are new here you can read about the motivation for the series by following this link.
The frozen bodies violently shook to life as the bearded man cast a spell upon them. Moments earlier I had put them to sleep with a speech that would have school children begging for a math lesson. It was uninspiring, indecisive and a far cry from the blistering energy of my opponent. No, I would not win my high school’s mock presidential election.
I failed that day but it was not in vain. An important lesson was a fine consolation prize as it served me for years to come whereas the title Mr. President would have been short lived. What is the mistake I made that day speaking to a crowd of seventeen year olds?
I was honest. I told them when I didn’t know.
They asked me to present my views on complex topics. They asked me how I would create policy to govern the entire country. They chose controversial issues and they wanted a firm stance. I could not give them one.
Truth be told, I did not feel comfortable assigning laws to millions of people in varying environments whom I would never meet. Instead of the rally cry my opponent delivered, my response was littered with “well that depends” and “I would work with local populations to decide”.
This experience shaped how I would later decide my positions on complex topics and present them. I saw how much easier it was for the crowd to support a firm position, even if they did not completely agree with it. They caught uncertainty in my recommendations and felt comforted by the person assuring them he had all the answers.
Throughout my career when picking a side or presenting a solution I have reminded myself to be the President they are looking for. "Certainty and confidence first and foremost”, I would tell myself. On the surface, this approach has served me well. I’ve repeatedly seen my ideas, and in turn myself, rise through many organizations. However, when I look a level deeper I find that I have been largely unsatisfied despite the success of my ideas.
The truth is that I have been lying to myself.
I sacrificed the authenticity of my opinion in order to present a more defensible position. I allowed myself to prioritize the adoption of my ideas over their intellectual honesty. I stopped admitting when I didn’t know.
The problem with solutions that claim to remove uncertainty is that they are a work of fiction. Uncertainty is unavoidable and the person claiming to have conquered it is not someone you should rally behind. It is someone you should look upon with skeptical eyes and question their motives. Are they being genuine or are their words carefully crafted with the sole purpose of getting your support?
I may have lost the presidential debate but the real damage came in the years that followed. I have repeatedly made two mistakes that I wish I could go back and instruct my younger self to avoid.
I favored support of my ideas over authenticity.
I assumed that widely supported ideas must be good.
This is truly a subtle discovery because on the surface the ideas I presented were my own and in fact ones I believed in. They simply were not as authentic as they could have been. I didn’t have the courage to say when I didn’t know. The real kicker is that as I have shed this fear in recent years and shifted my focus away from gaining support, the quality of my ideas has greatly improved.
Lessons Learned:
You shouldn’t be pressured into adopting a position on a topic based on how easy it is to defend.
You will be more satisfied long term when your stated opinions match your true feelings.
A strong universal position is tempting but the better long term choice is a nuanced position that considers context.
Somewhere deep down I could feel the inauthenticity and that gave me anxiety. I was not being true to myself and therefore I was a stranger. Don’t get forced into someone else’s box. It may work for a while but it’s not you and that will hold you back from realizing your true potential.
Thanks for reading :)
Bryan
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Mr. President